


Logic and Emotion

by Bookman230



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Anxiety, Gen, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-01
Updated: 2015-04-01
Packaged: 2018-03-20 19:23:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3662058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bookman230/pseuds/Bookman230
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hate. Noun.  Intense hostility and aversion usually deriving from fear, anger, or sense of injury. Or: extreme dislike or antipathy. Hate. Verb. To feel extreme enmity toward. Hate. Undefinable.</p>
<p>My take on Peridot's crash landing to Earth.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Logic and Emotion

Hate. Noun. Intense hostility and aversion usually deriving from fear, anger, or sense of injury. Or: extreme dislike or antipathy. Hate. Verb. To feel extreme enmity toward. Hate. Undefinable.

It was almost humorous, how people used the word. They _hate_ work. They _hate_ surprises. They _hate_ when a Robonoid malfunctions and you have to spend _hours_ finding the problem so it won’t happen again or even worse, spread, all while some warrior _dullard_ mocks you for even caring and not just solving every problem by smashing everything with your gigantic head! ...Not that Peridot was speaking from experience, obviously. But if she were to be truthful, she had used that word lightly before. She had only known of hate in the abstract; no Gem had ever earned her ire to such a degree, not even Jasper, General _Goon_ herself. Gems could be irritating, frustrating, difficult. But _Crystal_ Gems… oh, Crystal Gems were on a whole other level. Crystal Gems had, quite singlehandedly (or quadhandedly, as the case were) ruined her life. They had destroyed her ship, tied her up like she was some kind of feral animal, and _messed with her stuff!_ And _why_? Weeell, nobody ever bothered to tell Peridot, now did they!? And as her escape pod was headed to Earth for a decidedly _un_ smooth landing, Peridot was certain that it was burning, fervent, indescribable _hate_ that flowed through her.

Either that, or it was severe irritation. Or possibly a large amount of anxiety. You know, considering the aforementioned imminent crash landing. It was difficult to pinpoint the exact emotion.

The pod smashed into the planet with a great degree of force, and naturally, _naturally_ , Peridot was flung face first into the wall of her pod. It was rather hard to _buckle_ up when you were _tied_ up. She let out a hiss of irritation. And pain. Emphasis on the pain.

“Pod? Run diagnostics.”

“Major denting to exterior. Some denting from the interior.”

“Is that a comment on my head?” The pod remained silent. “Great! Even my _pod_ mocks me now! Continue the diagnostic before I dismantle you, you stupid piece of scra-”

 “Long term travel and sustainment impossible without serious repair. Short distances and quick spurts of combat possible. Shields offline.”

Peridot groaned. “Of course! Of course! Not one thing can go right! Not one miniscule thi-” She stopped and took a breath. “It’s fine. It’s _fine_! You’d just draw attention! It’s better to leave you behind anyway!” The pod was silent again. Peridot rolled her eyes. “Don’t be like that. You don’t even _have_ feelings.” She banged her head on the entrance again, and it fell open, leading her to faceplant into the dirt. She growled. “First ‘visit’ back to this planet, and it begins with my face in its disgusting dirt. Clearly, things are boding well.” She lifted her head, and conjured a small blade into her hand. “At least _that_ still works…” She cut through the blasted whip, then sat up, stretching out the kinks in her bodily construct. “Stupid defective kindergartner... Okay.” She brought her legs back, then stood up, summoning a datapad in front of her hand. “It’s fine… everything’s fine… just send out a signal for someone to pick you up, and you’ll be fi- _what_!?”

The worthless, useless piece of _junk_ was running an error message. Too damaged, it said. All receivers out of range, it said. Good for nothing, ineffectual, contemptible _stupid trash heap_ , she says! What was she going to do, she was stuck in this dirt pile and she was alone and they would find her and then- _Stop it._

“Calm down… calm down… Use the recorder, that always helps, gets your mind in order, formulate a plan…” She executed a few commands, and cleared her throat. “Entry 1543. 20-43-169. Or, 3-26-15, in this blasted planet’s dating system. I have crash landed on Earth. My ship has… exploded. Jasper’s and Lapis’ locations are… unknown. Probability of Jasper surviving the explosion, high. Lapis’ probability, likely. What happened to them exactly is unknown, but while they would likely survive the explosion, it would weaken them greatly. Conclusion: They are either captured by the Crystal Gems, or… worse.” She chuckled, meant to come off as confident and controlled, but somehow coming out a shy, weak little thing.

“I’m heartbroken. Truly. But..” She blinked, fitfully, looking off into the distance, eyes wide with fea- with… planning. “It means I am.. on my own. My construct is damaged. My technology is damaged. They need repairs, but… but this planet is so _primitive_ , where could I even find _parts_ …” Her breathing became more hurried, shallow. She started to pace. “My combat capabilities are… not the match of the Crystal Gems, my biggest asset is compromised, I… probability of them finding me is… is high, and then…” She stopped. “Unknown. They are unknown quantities. I don’t know what will… what will happen to me is… unknown…” She clenched her fists tight. “Stupid… Stupid moron! You should’ve researched more! You should’ve looked deeper! Found every possibility! But noooo! Earth would be _easy_ , they said! You really wanted to impress everyone! Move up! Well, _look at you now_!” she shouted at herself. “Stranded! With a bunch of… of _rebels_ after you! You’re _doomed_!”

She crouched down, hands curling against her head. “ _Moron!_ ” She banged a hand against her metallic head. “ _Idiot_!” Again. “Can-” Bang. “You-” Bang. “Do-” Harder. “Anything-” Another. “ _ **Right**_ **!?** ”

_**Bang!** _

She stopped at the sound and her shouting echoing across the field. It snapped her out of her panic, and she took a deep breath.

“Get a hold of yourself, Peridot. Be… be logical… or...” Logic had been the foundation on which she had built her entire life on. Logic made the universe make sense. It made things orderly. It allowed her to have control. Logic was insurmountable, objective, universal. A force that would rise above. But she had been _logical_ this entire time, and yet logic had led her _here_. Logic was failing her in her time of need.

Emotion is weakness. Emotion clouds the mind. You get too attached, you won’t risk them. You get too angry, and you can’t think straight. But… but emotion can _drive_ you. She needed drive. She needed to _move_. Because if she didn’t, the Crystal Gems would get her. Because if she didn’t, they’d _win_. They’d get away with everything they’ve done to her! With the sheer humiliation they have inflicted on her! They ruined her life. Time to send the ruining _back_. Fear. Anger. Spite. _Hate_. Those emotions were what spurned her on as she stood up, face schooled into a calm mask. She walked to the pod and tried to execute another command.

“ _Ugh_ … Of course I’m out of explosives…” She had used them up in the embarrassingly quick bout with the Crystal Gems. No matter. They would know she was here sooner or later. They just couldn't be allowed to follow her. “Pod. Cease all vocal communication.” The pod was silent. The field was still now. Quiet. All except for the wind, gently blowing through the plants, against her construct, as if it was crawling across her, as if with enough force and time, it could go inside her, go _through_ her, and this planet would be a part of her forever. She suppressed the urge to shiver. She was Peridot. Intelligent. Skilled. Hateful. She was _not_ going to fall to _them_.

“Intel on this heap is limited. All directions are thus valid.” She stood, still, mind starting to race again. Which way to go, what if one led to them, what if- The wind blew again, to the east. She breathed, and nodded. “East it is.” She walked in silence, wind at her back, while the pod hummed, like the rumble in the back of her mind.

 


End file.
